He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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