ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
