the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
