I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
