# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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