i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
