Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
