just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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