i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
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So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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