He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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