the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
