I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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