HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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