i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink