I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.