You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
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he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca