Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.