Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.