I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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