Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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