I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
