you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
