at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
