No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
