I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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