i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
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You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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