She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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