there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
