Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Less talking, more tequila
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
