Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
