M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
