I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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