Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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