eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
