No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
