I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
