It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
