literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
