Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
