hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize