the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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