Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

I'm being pulled over???

(520): View more from Arizona

For what!?!?!

(323): View more from California

??? I'm in a cab!!!!!

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(734): View more from Michigan

I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.

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(951): View more from California

So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club

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(630): View more from Illinois

As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.

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(852): View more from

I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..

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(404): View more from Georgia

You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.

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(812): View more from Indiana

If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.

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