dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you