so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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