Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.