I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?