Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.