ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?