Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
