Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...