Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
