I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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