i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
