Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
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Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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