I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
