Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
