so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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