so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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