Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just gargled with NyQuil
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
