his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
