i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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