you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is it penis luge time yet?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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