and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
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I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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