i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
