Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
