we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
