That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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