Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
