I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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