Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
