I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My pussy is not your playground.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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