As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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