Don't you send me to vm
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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