Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
