Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
