At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
