if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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