Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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