i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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