so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
