it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
