I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
