PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
