He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
