My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
